Why does healing our inner child seem so challenging?

I first discovered the concept of the wounded inner child close to a decade ago in a healing session. In the middle of my session, another client came and the healer asked if I was okay with rescheduling because she messed up the timing. I got upset and cried, saying that I’d allocated what little money I had for her super expensive sessions only to be sent away. At the same time, a child’s cries could be heard from outside.

If you’re a seasoned intuitive healer, you’d know this phenomenon is called synchronicity.

She went on to tell me that I needed to heal my inner child and advised me to ask myself what my inner child liked.

At first, it was easy. Buying a Winner-the-Pooh foil balloon, buying myself toys and nice clothes.

It got difficult when it came to relating to people, romantic relationships especially. It took me countless karmic relationships to understand that I was drawn to people who resembled my caretakers, and many ego-breaking soul searching for me to realise that I was the toxic one at times. And when it came to reconnecting with my inner child, I constantly had barriers when it came to things I loved, like art and crystals. Over the years, I’d bought and discarded my art materials, crystals and many other things that brought joy to me several times. While my heart ached over the money I could have saved, I was also getting very confused, annoyed and exhausted.

What was wrong with me?

Who is the real me? What do I really want?

Imagine a wild tiger who has been forced to sit in a cage for years, whipped to submission, starved to obedience. Even if someone were to unlock the cage and set it free, it might still sit in the cage because a part of its spirit had been broken.

The child who has learnt to suppress his/her needs, desires and emotions becomes the adult who is terrified to their needs, desires and emotions. Depending on their environment, they may have been taught things like:

-crying makes you weak

-we don’t dress like sluts in this house

-if you do not listen, you will be criticised and shamed to conforming.

And then we emerge into adulthood with fantasies and coping mechanisms, and get drawn to the same patterns.

Until we realise that we are stuck in our own denial, we’ll never get out of it.

It’s hard. After all, denial was a coping mechanism. It was what ensured my survival in the family. I had to deny my feelings and listen to my parents. Even after witnessing my parents’ terrible behaviour, I refused to see that they were bad. Instead, I decided little me was bad for upsetting them, for not having their approval. Also, denial is often a negative behaviour passed down from generations to generations.

Parents denying love, by withdrawing affection and issuing threats when kids ‘misbehave’. Parents living in denial of the dysfunction in the family. Relatives ignoring the pain of others, sometimes, even ignoring the existence or right of a family member.

Denial is one of the most important toxic trait and coping mechanism that we need to face and heal.

It took me years to admit to myself, I haven’t been completely honest and accountable to myself. I was contributing to the mess in my life by denying and living in denial. The good news is, we can get unstuck and it looks a lot like taking action in the opposite direction. Learning to listen to my emotions and getting clear on what I want. Paying attention to where and how I’m running away from my responsibilities. They were hard lessons. But necessary ones to make me a better person. Healing from denial was almost like the first step. But it has not only accelerated my growth, but also made me super aware of the other patterns I needed to release.

My journey required me to walk alone from my family for a long time, while getting strategic support whenever I needed help. Sometimes, it was to heal my soul after a draining episode, and many times, it was for the perspective shift I needed to keep walking with integrity. What has really helped is staying firm on the journey, and going right to the root to observe the real dynamics playing out. For the last 3-4 years, I’ve been working directly with the Akashic Records to resolve ancestral wounds too.

If your inner child healing journey has been challenging, I welcome you to a cosy session that will transform the way you see your current situation. I’ve designed it to be a 3-session experience (90mins each) so that you can unravel layer by layer, healing deeply for maximum impact. I also offer standalone sessions for a taster.

If you would like to have a chat, you can schedule a 20min vibe check call to see if we’re a good fit!

In any case, I’m rooting for your healing. No matter how tough it gets, don’t give up. Every effort is like a drop of water. One day, you will have an ocean. <3